Price per head - Onshore Bookmakers
Hockey Rules in Real Life
By David Leonhardt
"I went to the fights the other night...and a hockey game broke
out."
Rodney Dangerfield.
Every hockey fan has heard of Todd Bertuzzi. Bertuzzi plays for
the Vancouver Canucks. Make that "fights" for the Vancouver
Canucks. Make that "fought" for the Vancouver Canucks -- he
"might" not play again, after breaking fellow player Steve
Moore's neck in a brutal attack from behind.
Imagine that happening in your workplace. You rush a fellow call
center associate in the next cubicle and beat her senseless. And
you "might" get fired.
Or you leap over the counter at the nurses station and tackle
another nurse. You "might" get fired.
Or you pick up a fellow hot dog vendor and throw him into his
cart, then stuff his mouth full of wieners. You could get fired.
Possibly.
Would George Bush let Saddam Hussein rule Iraq again? No. Would
the courts release the Unabomber to experiment with explosives?
No. Would they fill all the vacant kindergarten teacher
positions with surplus pedophiles? No? Would they let hockey
goons keep beating up fellow hockey players? Of course.
Although necks don't break every day, thank goodness, fighting,
slashing, and other brutalities occur several times in every
single NHL game.
"It's part of the game," say many fans. Even those who genuinely
feel sorry for Steve Moore. Hmm, last I looked, it was not "part
of the game". In fact, there are rules against fighting, high-
sticking, slashing and other attacks.
In the call center, this would be called "attempted murder". In
the nurses station, this would be called "assault". In the hot
dog vendor business, it's called "mergers and acquisitions."
These assaults broadcast live on national television before an
audience that includes several thousand police officers. But
nobody gets charged. Unless somebody is sent to hospital with a
life threatening injury, nobody even pays notices. Much like in
the hot dog vendor business.
In fact, it's just like walking down the street in New York City.
Oops, they cleaned up New York City. People now turn their
heads to look when somebody screams "Help!"
Hockey offers valuable lessons for players in other sports. For
instance, if you are a baseball pitcher, aim for the batter's
knees. Just don't hit any vital organs that might force the
police to ask you embarrassing questions.
Basketball players also need a new strategy. Tripping. Tripping
really is a very innocent thing. Just pretend it's not happening
by looking in the other direction. It might not even be illegal.
Don't get me wrong, I know the police keep our streets safe,
especially from the hot dog vendors. They keep the nurses
stations safe. They keep the call centers safe. Should an
assault be immune from prosecution just because there are
cheering fans? If a nurse rounded up, say, a few thousand
patients to cheer, could she legally deck another nurse?
What about the fans who egg on the players? Accomplices! There
is a place to legally encourage gouging, maiming, bone snapping,
impromptu facial makeovers, pain and dismemberment. It's called
the WWF.
And there is a place for fighting. It's called "politics". It's
OK to fight in a boxing ring, too, I suppose.
Is there a place for violence in hockey? Yes. There is a place
for legal checking (body slams) as defined in the rules. A good
hard hitting hockey game can be as exciting as, as, well, as
exciting as two hostile nurses wielding razor sharp hot dog
vendors in an all-out amphibious assault on a subversive call
center in Iowa. No, wait - that was last night's movie.
But when the show gets stopped over and over to watch instant
replays of live assaults in mockery of the justice system, one
wonders if a hockey game will ever break out.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
David Leonhardt writes the Happy Guy humor column:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html
Read past columns at:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/humor-articles.html .
He also wrote Inspiration & Motivation To Go
http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.php
and Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum
happiness:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-self-help-book.html
|
